


Quick and Dirty /utg/ Requests

by TurkeyJerky



Series: Chara is a Kinky Bitch [7]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Barbecue, Blackouts, Boxing & Fisticuffs, Cannibalism, Drunkenness, F/F, F/M, Potato Salad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-16 20:27:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11260365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TurkeyJerky/pseuds/TurkeyJerky
Summary: This is a collection of requests I've done for /utg/. Probably not as good as my other stuff.Unless otherwise stated, the stories contained in this work can be considered cannon in the "Chara is a Kinky Bitch" series.





	1. Undyne Trains for a Boxing Match

Alphys rubbed the back of her head. "U-Undyne, you sure this is a good idea?"

"Of course!", Undyne said, while pulling on a boxing glove. "One of the best I've ever had!"

"B-but, you could get h-hurt...", Alphys said.

"Nonsense!", Undyne said, as she punched the air. "Not only will I be fine, but I'm going to win this thing!"

"Undyne!" Alphys held her hands out towards Undyne. "It's a... a... _human_!"

"So?" Undyne shrugged. "I've fought humans before!"

"Yeah, one!" Alphys held a single finger into the air. "And he was just a kid!"

"Eh." Undyne shrugged again. "I bet I could take him now..."

"G-guess we'll find out..." Alphys frowned and shook her head.

"What?" Undyne turned her head towards Alphys. "What do you--"

"Hey guys!" You walked towards the pair as the gym doors swung closed behind you.

"F-frisk?!", Undyne said. "What are you doing here?!"

"Undyne, meet your sparing partner." Alphys held her hand out to you.

"S-sparing partner?!" You tilted your head. "Alphys, you told me we were going to Jazzercise!"

"I'm sorry, Frisk.", Alphys said. "I need you to knock, er... _talk_ some sense into Undyne before she gets herself killed!"

"You want me to f-fight Undyne?!", you said. "Alphys, you know I'm a pacifist! I couldn't hurt a fly, least of all one of my closest, dearest friends..."

"Buck buck buck!"

You turned your head towards Undyne. She had her arms shaped into "wings". "Uh, Undyne, what are you--"

"Ch-ch-ch-ch chicken!" Undyne flapped her "wings".

"I'm... I'm sorry?" You raised an eyebrow.

"Too chicken to step in the ring with me?", Undyne said. "Where you know you can't run away like a little bitch?"

"Undyne, c'mon!" You threw your hands into the air. "I'm not going to fight you! This is redi--"

"Buck buck buck!" Undyne imitated a chicken again.

You sighed. "Alright, I'm gonna go. I'm sorry Alphys, but I can't--"

"Yo nerd!", Undyne said. "That girlfriend of yours is kinda hot! Maybe one of these days I'll introduce her the kinds of pleasures only another woman can offer!"

"Oh my God..." Alphys clutched her brow. "I am so sorry, Frisk..."

"Right.", you said. "Well, Imma skedaddle. See you guys--"

"Cuck cuck cuck!", Undyne said.

You stared at Undyne for a moment, your brow contorted, then shut your eyes and sighed. "Aight. Let's do this..."


	2. Comfy Fic About Undertales Grilling Food

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asgore hosts a barbecue.

"Hey dad!", you said.

"Frisk, mah boy!", Asgore said, turning away from the barbeque grill he was cleaning with a wire brush. "And Chara, my future daughter in law! Thanks for coming!"

"Thanks for having us! We, uh, brought potato salad." You gestured to the large Tupperware container with a purple lid in Chara's hands. "Chara made it."

"Oh, thank you, Chara!", Asgore said. "Why don't you put it on the table there, next to the other ones?"

"Oh, yeah, sure...", Chara said as she took the large Tupperware container of potato salad to a picnic table overloaded with large Tupperware containers of potato salad.

"So, that cooler over there has soda pop." Asgore pointed to a small blue cooler. "And that one has beer." He pointed to a large red cooler with wheels and a retractable handle on it. "So does that one." He pointed to another large cooler next to it. "And there's more in the house in case we run out. Help yourself to whatever you want. Burgers will be ready in about half an hour."

"Thanks dad!", you said as you patted your father on the back. "Lemme know if there's anything I can do to help."

"I got this, son.", Asgore ignited the propane grill in blue flames with a snap of his fingers. "Thanks for asking, though. Why don't you go grab a drink and say hi to everyone?"

"Yeah, sure.", you said. "Thanks dad!"

 

"Damn it, I knew a potato salad was a bad choice!", Chara said as the two of you head over to the rest of the guests. "So cliche!"

"So, what?", you said. "Who cares if everyone else brought potato salad too?"

"This was a chance to impress our parents..." Chara shook her fists in front of herself.

You quickly jerked your head towards her, your eyes inhumanly wide.

" _Your_ parents.", Chara corrected herself. "And I blew it..."

"Thank you.", you said with a subtle bow. "And, seriously, who cares? They don't have to like you. The only thing that matters is that _I_ do." You kneeled down in front of the beer cooler and popped the lid off. After a few seconds of rooting around through the ice, you found a suitably dark and pretentious craft beer. You began to close the cooler then stopped and pushed it back open. "You want something?" You turned to Chara.

"Eh..." Chara tilted her head back and forth as she debated the decision. "Oh, I'd better not..." If she couldn't impress your parents this evening, the least she could do is not disappoint them. "I'd hate to embarrass you again..."

"Oh, don't worry about it!", you said. "Now that you know how alcohol affects you, you'll be much better at keeping it together. Also, you're pretty hilarious when you're drunk. I had a really hard time trying to stay mad at you..."

"Well... ok, if you approve..." Chara reached into the cooler and pulled out a bottle of a raspberry-flavored hard tea. "I guess one or two couldn't hurt..."

"That's the 'spirit'!" You placed your hand on her upper back. "Let's go say hi to everyone!"

 

The two of you took your beverages and head towards your friend and family. ...Well, your friends, family, and one other person...

"Oh no..." You narrowed your eyes as you spotted him.

"What is it?", Chara asked.

"Jerry's here.", you answered.

"Ewww." Chara frowned. "How did he get invited to this?"

"I dunno." You shook your head. "He probably just attached himself to another guest and they couldn't shake him off."

"Oh no, he's coming over here...", Chara said.

"Avert eyes! Avert eyes!" You put your arm around Chara's shoulder and turned the both of you away from Jerry, but it was too late.

"Hey, is that a raspberry Twisted Tea?!", Jerry asked.

You turned around. "Oh, hey, Jerry! Long time, no see! How are you--"

"I brought those for myself!" Jerry pointed to the drink in Chara's hand. "That's all I drink!"

"Oh, s-sorry...", Chara said.

"Yeah, sorry about that, Jerry!", you said. "We won't have any more."

"Now I have only four left!" Jerry threw his hands in the air. "Jeez, maybe think about someone other than yourselves next time?!"

"You're absolutely right, Jerry." You nodded slowly. "We're both very, very sorry."

"Whatever.", Jerry said. "So, would you make sure your dad cooks my steak 'well done' this time? I explicitly requested 'well done' last time I was here, but when I got my steak, it still had some pink on the inside!"

"Yeah, sure!" You nodded vigorously. "I won't let him screw it up this time."

"Good! Someone should teach that guy how to cook or something..." Jerry shook his head.

"Right?", you said. "Well, if you'll excuse us Jerry, we're gonna go say 'hi' to everyone."

"Yeah, whatever.", Jerry said. "Just don't drink any more of my Twisted Tea." He walked off in search of appetizers.

You waited until he was suitably far away then took a couple deep breaths and unclenched your fists.

"Now you know how I feel all the time...", Chara said.

"Your restraint is legendary." You took a few more deep breaths. "If I was you?" You shook your head. "There would be nothing left but ashes..."

You joined your friends and family and mingled.

 

"Ok, food's ready!", Asgore shouted, cupping his hands around his mouth. "Come and get it!"

You, Chara, and the other guests helped yourself to some grilled foodstuffs and sat down to eat in the almost surreally green grass of Asgore's meticulously maintained back yard. You took a bite out of your burger then looked up and noticed Undyne tearing into a lemon pepper encrusted salmon filet. "Hey everybody, look!" You gestured towards Undyne. "Undyne's a cannibal!" You leaned back and chuckled.

Nobody laughed. Undyne looked up and glared at you. "Excuse me?"

"Oh, I was just making a stupid joke.", you said. "I saw you were eating fish and, uh, you know..."

"You thought you'd poke fun at my dietary preferences?" Undyne raised an eyebrow.

"Yes!", you said. "I mean, no! I mean... you're... you're a... a..."

"We prefer the term 'equal-opportunity-consumer'.", Undyne said, tearing another strip of salmon off the filet with her pirana-like teeth. "And, yes I am. You got a problem with that?"

"N-n-no!" You held your hands up in front of yourself. "Not at all, I'm just surprised--"

"Lots of animals do it.", Undyne said. "And fish are no exception. You humans and your humanity-centric sense of morality..."

"I-I'm sorry, Undyne!" You placed a hand on your chest. "I didn't mean to--"

Undyne laughed. "It's ok, nerd! I'm just messing with you!"

"Oh ok!" You chuckled in relief. "So you're not really a cannibal?"

"Oh, no, I'm a cannibal.", Undyne said, finishing the last piece of her salmon. "I just don't give a shit if people have a problem with it."

"I personally think it's hot." Alphys leaned into her lover, cradling her third glass of wine in her hand.

Undyne grinned.

 

"Holy cow!", Asgore said, as he lowered his plastic fork from his mouth.

You looked up from your burger. "What's up, dad?"

"This potato salad..." Asgore loaded his fork up for another bite. "It's amazing! Which one of you made this?"

"Oh, it's probably mine." Toriel held a hand up. "You always loved my potato salad..."

"No, this definitely isn't yours...", Asgore said. "I'd recognize yours anywhere. This... this is something else..."

"Oh..." Toriel frowned.

"Which container did it come from?", Sans asked. "If it was the one that says 'Reser's' on it, that's the one that Boney and I bought, er, _brought_."

"It was that round one with the purple lid.", Asgore gestured to the picnic table, where your old tupperware container stood, its purple lid off, a large spoon resting on it, coated in potato salad residue.

"Oh, that's Chara's!", you said.

"You made this, Chara?!" Asgore turned his head to Chara. "This is great!" He shoveled another fork full into his mouth.

"Oh, t-thank you." Chara placed her hand on her chest and bowed slightly. "Y-yeah, it's an old... old family recipe..." In reality, the recipe had been in your family since she found it online only a few hours ago.

Asgore pulled his fork from his mouth. "Tori, uh, Toriel, you've gotta try this!" He turned towards Toriel and held his paper plate out to her.

"Oh, uh, ok..." Toriel took a small sample of Chara's potato salad off of Asgore's plate with her fork and tasted it. "Hmmm... Mmmmmm!" A smile formed on her face and she nodded in Asgore's direction before turning to Chara. "This is very good, Chara! Would you mind sharing the recipe with me?"

"Y-yeah, sure, no problem, mom, uh I mean, Toriel...", Chara said.

"Oh, you can call me 'mom' if you want to, Chara!", Toriel said. "After all, you're going to be my daughter in law someday, aren't you?"

"Yeah!" Chara smiled and nodded at Toriel then turned to you. "Yes I am."

You stared into her eyes and smiled back. "Yes you are."

Sans burped and crushed his empty can of Bud Light And Clamato in his hand. "Alright, who else needs a refill? Frisk?"

"Y-yeah, sure!" You broke eye contact with Chara and turned your head towards Sans. "Could you get me another one of those Ebott Brewing Co. Scotch Ales?"

"Sure thing." Sans gave you a thumbs up. "Chara? You want another Twisted Tea?"

"Uh..." Chara thought for a second. She felt the familiar warmth of alcohol beginning to envelop her. "Sure, why not?" One more couldn't hurt...

 

You opened your eyes and immediately recognized the familiar ceiling of your bedroom. You leaned up and clutched your head. "Owww..." Pain. You were in your bedroom, in your bed. And you were alone. And you didn't remember how you got here...

You shambled out of the bedroom and, after a short pit stop at the bathroom, made your way to the kitchen. You stepped into the light and temporarily lost your vision in a flashbang-like sea of white.

"Good morning!", she said.

"'Morning, Chara.", you said, as your vision returned to you. "What the.. what the hell happened--"

"You had too much to drink.", she said. "What do you want on your toast?"

"Uh, how about strawberry jam?", you said, as you pulled out a chair at the table and sat down. "Would you mind, uh, elaborating?"

"Well, after it got dark and Papyrus, Morena, and the kids went home, your dad pulled out a bottle of scotch...", Chara said, on her way to the refrigerator to fetch the strawberry jam.

"Oh..." You cradled your head in your hands.

"Then Sans pulled out a pipe...", Chara continued, returning to the counter, jam in hand.

"Ugh..." You clenched your eyes shut. "How... how did we get home? We didn't... drive, did we?"

"We did." Chara spread a generous amount of strawberry jam on a couple slices of toast.

"Oh, shit..." You placed your hands on top of your head.

"I drove.", Chara said, then licked the excess jam off the butter knife.

"W-what?!", you said. "But you d-don't..."

"Yeah, I don't have a driver's license." She screwed the lid back on the jar of jam. "But I wasn't going to let _you_ drive..."

"Well, yeah...", you said. "We made it home, ok, then?"

"Yes." She placed a plate of scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast in front of you. "Absolutely no problems."

"Ok, good.", you said and picked up a slice of bacon. "Thanks for taking care of me." You took a bite out of the bacon.

"Yeah, no problem." She walked over to the counter and returned with a tall glass of milk, which she set next to your plate. "You did the same for me..."

"Yeah, that's true...", you said, chewing on bacon. "I didn't embarrass myself, did I?"

"Not too much.", she said as she moved to the other side of the table and sat down opposite you. "Your parents were actually really impressed with the way I handled you."

"Really?", you asked, scooping some scrambled eggs into your mouth.

"Yeah.", she said. "Mom, er, _Toriel_ took me aside and said I would make a good mother someday..."

"Oh, wow..." You swallowed your scrambled eggs and chased it with a sip of milk. "That's... that's great... Especially coming from her..."

"I know, right!", Chara beamed.

You smiled at her. Mom was right. And you were right. Chara was going to be alright.


End file.
